Fate and Destiny: Participating in life in meaningful ways
Photo credit: Frank McKenna
It was said, once upon a time, that three Greek goddesses were in charge of overseeing our fate. One was in charge of spinning the thread of life, one in charge of deciphering how long this thread would be, and the other in charge of cutting the thread. These Goddesses were known as the Moirai or the Fates and they were the ultimate overseers of birth and death and everything in between.
Today, through the dispelling of myth and mystery and a cultural obsession with scientific rationality, the Fates are no longer acknowledged, and their burden has been taken on by the ego. In depth psychology the ego is considered the conscious self. The weight that has been carried by the divine for human history now rests on our shoulders. And for us mere mortals this burden is not possible to carry without severe side effects.
We believe that we are fully responsible for the joys and the tragedies in our lives. The self-help and new age industries often feed into the belief that we manifest what constellates around us through simply choosing our thinking patterns. This lens leads to the belief that whether we win the lottery or are in an abusive partnership, it is ultimately our success or our failure. On the one hand, we pat ourselves on the back for doing something right when fortune appears, on the other we blame ourselves for inherent flaws when the Fates have spun for us a less than ideal circumstance.
The ego is not good with uncertainty, with mystery, with not knowing. In times where we feel a loss of control, or if something does not make sense, it can be easier to say that we have caused whatever it may be to happen in our lives than to recognize that there are things that are ultimately outside of our control.
This does not mean that we need to throw up our hands in a hopeless sigh and resign ourselves to total loss of autonomy, in fact the opposite may be the case. There is a way to interact with the Fates in order to gather the threads of purpose, authority, and autonomy in our lives.
Enter Destiny
A depth psychology perspective acknowledges that we are each born into the world with a unique soul that guides us. This concept has roots in what the Romans called “genius,” and what Plato called “the Daimon.” Psychologist and author, James Hillman writes about this guiding force extensively in his book, The Soul’s Code.
While fate appears in the sense of restriction and limitation that we feel in our lives, destiny lies in our sense of purpose and autonomy within these limitations. Threads of destiny are woven into our fate, and though they can be hard to see, once we get a glimpse of them, we simply need to follow the thread with a curiosity about where it might lead.
In his book Fate and Destiny: The two agreements of the soul, scholar Michael Mead describes the interplay of fate and destiny,
“Fate ties us to the world and keeps us in it, while destiny calls us to a divine errand set deeply within us” (p. 4).
He further explains that:
“Our fate places us in specific contexts where meaning and purpose can be explored” (p.4).
Fate and destiny form an archetypal pair, one cannot exist without the other, we need both to connect with a sense of meaning and purpose in life. When we face fate and the hand of cards that we have been dealt, we affect it and it begins to move to reveal destiny. If we try to evade fate, the dire consequence can be felt in the permeating absence of purpose and meaning in life and a disconnection from the soul.
Destiny is inherent in the individuation process, a psychological process centred on becoming our most authentic selves. This destiny involves an inner listening for our innate gifts that we bring to our specific time in the world.
A major misconception of our times is that this destiny needs to be big. To live out one’s destiny may be as small as listening to the soul when it needs a tea instead of a coffee. It does not need to be some grand business plan or recognition through fame, although some people’s destiny may include those things. With destiny, we do not strive to be “better,” but take a risk in allowing ourselves to be as we already in essence are.
So how do we find and follow the threads of destiny within the tapestry of what is fated?
Connect with non-rational ways of knowing
This means acknowledging, as Sigmund Freud did, that
“The ego is not master in its own house.”
We think we are the masters of our psyche, that we can find answers to our struggles by rational thought alone, however often this results in endless and potentially destructive thought loops. If rational thinking alone were the answer to our suffering, we would have figured it all out a long time ago. That said, there are other internal presences that may know us better than we do. Whether we call these presences the Daimon, the soul, or intuition, can we turn a listening ear toward them? What would be different if we did?
To access deeper knowing, we might try asking a question twice. For example: What is it that I need in this moment? What is it that I really need in this moment? When asking the second time, instead of listening to the ego’s response, see if you can sit, wait, and listen for another voice, however small, that may emerge. The Daimon can communicate through images, dreams, a sense, an inner voice. It may be more blurry than straightforward, linear thought, however if we are able to hold the blurry nature of this knowing for long enough, our path forward may become more clear. With practice this inner connection can become much like a compass.
Build your trust muscle
We have many opportunities each day to check in with this internal voice and practice listening to it. When we choose to listen to it over what messaging from external sources tell us we “should” do, we start building a trust muscle that gets stronger over time. Cultivating the capacity to trust ourselves is a process that can happen over a lifetime, yet the muscle builds and it gets easier over time. Keep feeding the deep knowing and it will come to trust us more too.
Actively participate
What does it mean to actively participate in our lives? Often it can feel like we are being dragged along, growing resentful of the obligations that adulting demands of us. Can anyone relate to dragging themselves to work? Just wanting to stay in bed all day?
Sometimes, of course not participating can be good medicine. A relaxing day in bed can be something to be enjoyed- if we consciously choose this for ourselves. What I am referring to is the lethargic resistance that we all experience from time to time, and the inevitable shoulding on ourselves that comes with it. What would shift if we were doing these things for ourselves? If we return to the question of, “What if I was doing this for myself first? Outwardly things may not look a lot different. Most likely we would still show up for work, however the energy may change, the way that we interact with our tasks may change. Actively participating in our lives and acting on our behalf does not have to mean that we are being selfish, rude, or arrogant- what it can mean is that we are showing up in a way that feels more enriching and also frees up space to be present to others.
Acknowledging the limitations of fate can help us respond in conscious ways to the situations that constellate around us instead of reacting unconsciously. The contexts of fate and destiny provide a container for trusting our voice, for allowing ourselves to be seen, and to claim our rightful place in the world tapestry.
Fate invites us onto the stage to participate in the dramas, comedies, romances and tragedies of life. The idea that we are born with a unique and inherent purpose, with destiny, means that we were born for these times. Now more than ever, we would do well to connect with what we are here to do, to become awake to meaning and purpose in our lives, to honour the Fates and follow the threads of our destiny.
To dive deeper into how fate and destiny intersect in your life and in our times, I invite you to join me at my upcoming annual vision board retreat, where we will explore ways to engage with personal and collective destiny. For further info and registration click here
References
Meade, M. (2010). Fate and destiny: The two agreements of the soul. Seattle, WA:
Greenfire.
